being a boss

Some bosses can really be assholes. A good friend never fails to remind me, each time we meet, that I failed to warn him what an asshole my ex-boss was. Because now he is suffering under the same person. In my defence, I didn't know he was going there, and in fact I warned another good friend not to go. But eventually someone has to do the shit job.

So recently we met up again, and I told him some of my own fears - that I was beginning to see in myself some of the traits I hated most in abovementioned asshole.

To begin with, I wouldn't say he was a bad person. Just overly demanding. Usually this involved attaining unecessary levels of perfection, usually in the wee hours of the morning. Or preparing contingencies for contingencies for contingencies, at the expense of of other valued personal opportunities. Over time, I came to the conclusion that whatever other bad things I had to say about him, I could not accuse him of being a hypocrite, because if he was in my position he would probably have done everything he demanded of me. So he was merely expecting me to be as committed as he. I rejected this line of argument because if he wanted to stay in the office until midnight, that was his own business. I was going home.

Fast forward a few years, I'm still in the office at midnight a lot too. I suppose one could say I have a choice these days, but of course there are responsibilities to fulfill. And when I see the people under me cracking under the pressure I have transmitted to them, it makes me wonder if I am becoming anything like the man I loathe. Obviously I will never be as demanding as him, but then I'm also not sure if my people will be as tenacious as I was. And then I can't help but wonder if they don't hate me like I once did.

I'd like to take my foot off the gas pedal, but then I still have bosses to answer to too. The bottom line is that I actually do enjoy my work too, and the people around me. Else I would certainly not allow myself to be subjected to all this.