on work relationships

A colleague sat down next to me and decided to give me his analysis on interpersonal relationships in the workplace.

There are three main categories of relationships: upwards (with your bosses), horizontal (with your peers) and downwards (with subordinates). Each person will have to choose one of these to sacrifice, because it is not possible to maintain all three. And citing anecdotal evidence from superiors we both know, he went on to press his thesis that for most people, it is most beneficial to sacrifice the peer level. This was not a statement I could easily accept, because I would certainly wish to manage relations on all three fronts. But as I tried to find examples of people who had successfully balanced them all, I had to conclude that a balance only occured when they had not truly mastered any.

This led me to conclude that the satisfaction derived from a relationship is inversely related to its utility.

Downward Relationships are the most satisfying because you have the joy of watching the people under you develop and mature under your guidance; perhaps even in your own image. If this is done well, you earn their love and respect and you feel damn good but you can't eat love and respect. You may achieve a lot through your team, but this will only be fully recognised if your upwards relationship is correspondingly sound.

Upwards Relationships can be extremely rewarding in the financial or career sense if managed well. However, this generally involves a lot of ass-kissing, which in turn is extremely tiring and takes its toll on the spirit. Even if you are incompetant, you can still get places if you get enough superiors to speak up for you. You can never bluff your peers, though.

Horizontal Relationships are basically the tradeoff between the two in terms of satisfaction and utility. In addition, you also need to measure the paradigm of lateral comparisons and jealousy if you are doing too well. This is why it is the easiest relationship to sacrifice.

Call me idealistic, but I am going to try for the triple anyway. I believe that my subordinates will give me trust and respect as long as I am sincerely executing my responsibilities as a leader, looking out for their best interests. I will earn the respect of my peers through my own competence, while at the same time offering the hand of friendship that does not conceal a knife that stabs the back or slits the scapegoat. And my bosses will have to respect me for my exceptional abilities, and not merely an ability to make them feel good.

In my own experience thus far, it is certainly easier to advance if you just kiss up. But what's the point of living if you cannot live with yourself?