Some bosses can really be assholes. A good friend never fails to remind me, each time we meet, that I failed to warn him what an asshole my ex-boss was. Because now he is suffering under the same person. In my defence, I didn't know he was going there, and in fact I warned another good friend not to go. But eventually someone has to do the shit job.
So recently we met up again, and I told him some of my own fears - that I was beginning to see in myself some of the traits I hated most in abovementioned asshole.
To begin with, I wouldn't say he was a bad person. Just overly demanding. Usually this involved attaining unecessary levels of perfection, usually in the wee hours of the morning. Or preparing contingencies for contingencies for contingencies, at the expense of of other valued personal opportunities. Over time, I came to the conclusion that whatever other bad things I had to say about him, I could not accuse him of being a hypocrite, because if he was in my position he would probably have done everything he demanded of me. So he was merely expecting me to be as committed as he. I rejected this line of argument because if he wanted to stay in the office until midnight, that was his own business. I was going home.
Fast forward a few years, I'm still in the office at midnight a lot too. I suppose one could say I have a choice these days, but of course there are responsibilities to fulfill. And when I see the people under me cracking under the pressure I have transmitted to them, it makes me wonder if I am becoming anything like the man I loathe. Obviously I will never be as demanding as him, but then I'm also not sure if my people will be as tenacious as I was. And then I can't help but wonder if they don't hate me like I once did.
I'd like to take my foot off the gas pedal, but then I still have bosses to answer to too. The bottom line is that I actually do enjoy my work too, and the people around me. Else I would certainly not allow myself to be subjected to all this.
Showing posts with label leadership. Show all posts
Showing posts with label leadership. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Sunday, September 03, 2006
leadership
When I was in school, I could never understand all the hype about leadership abilities. I couldn't fathom why they were such an important factor in scholarship applications. And why the fact that I had a gold medal meant nothing since I was not captain of the team. Personally, I had no interest in leadership roles, and I enjoyed being an irresponsible free spirit.
A couple of miles into the rat race and it has become strikingly apparent to me why this intangible virtue is valued so highly. One man, on his own, can only do so much. No matter his talents or intellect, he only has 24 hours in a day, one brain and two hands. The only way to transcend the physical limitations of our human body is to further our purposes through others. Too many cooks will spoil the broth unless the head chef is able to mould them into a cohesive and integral team. And that is the job of the leader.
The other job of the leader is to motivate. Having worked under several, I begin to discern the good leaders from the bad ones. And the good ones will keep you working and energised even if they are not there in the office with you at 10pm at night - you do it not even because you think the work is meaningful, but out of love and respect for the man. And because you may not understand his plans, but you have faith in hisdecisions. I hope one day to be that kind of leader.
Many schools of leadership teach leadership by example. Lead from the front. Come On not Go On. I think that is all bullshit. A true leader would not need to be there. It would be good, of course, but a team should not rely on the leader's presence for motivation. The leader is only truly effective when he has made himself redundant.
A couple of miles into the rat race and it has become strikingly apparent to me why this intangible virtue is valued so highly. One man, on his own, can only do so much. No matter his talents or intellect, he only has 24 hours in a day, one brain and two hands. The only way to transcend the physical limitations of our human body is to further our purposes through others. Too many cooks will spoil the broth unless the head chef is able to mould them into a cohesive and integral team. And that is the job of the leader.
The other job of the leader is to motivate. Having worked under several, I begin to discern the good leaders from the bad ones. And the good ones will keep you working and energised even if they are not there in the office with you at 10pm at night - you do it not even because you think the work is meaningful, but out of love and respect for the man. And because you may not understand his plans, but you have faith in hisdecisions. I hope one day to be that kind of leader.
Many schools of leadership teach leadership by example. Lead from the front. Come On not Go On. I think that is all bullshit. A true leader would not need to be there. It would be good, of course, but a team should not rely on the leader's presence for motivation. The leader is only truly effective when he has made himself redundant.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
sources of power
Recently I've been experiencing this niggling reminders of what I learned back in freshman year. It is strange that back then, I thought my class on leadership was an utter waste of time. But as I go about working life, sometimes past lessons flash again before my eyes and I realise how true some of those things really are. It's a pity I threw my textbook away because my memory is like a sieve. First, I was reminded of the barometric event and recently, I have been thinking about sources of power.
There are several individual attributes that can be sources of power, and the one I lack most is probably the ability to tolerate conflict. This basically means that you can be a nasty person and push people around and you don't care if they hate you as long as they get your job done. I find this particularly hard because I think I am a generally nice person and I want people to like me. But at the workplace, I've seen some people who are really gifted at making people hate them. (Which is what prompted me to start thinking about this.) And as long as they can tolerate the dagger stares, it doesn't seem to be doing them much harm. So perhaps this really is a source of power.
Another source of power I'm not particularly good at is energy and stamina. This could mean working longer and harder than anybody else. But I have also heard stories of people who drag meetings way past office hours and only proceed to the decision making when everyone else is faint with hunger, fatigue, or in some cases inebriated. Since I would probably be one of the first to die of hunger or fall asleep, I guess this isn't really my source of power either.
Well there's another one. Focus is important too. But since I maintain that I have ADD and I can't focus on anything boring for more than 10 minutes, this isn't exactly my forte.
Darn, I'm out of sources of power. I guess there isn't much hope for me. Well I'm going to try to push people around more.
There are several individual attributes that can be sources of power, and the one I lack most is probably the ability to tolerate conflict. This basically means that you can be a nasty person and push people around and you don't care if they hate you as long as they get your job done. I find this particularly hard because I think I am a generally nice person and I want people to like me. But at the workplace, I've seen some people who are really gifted at making people hate them. (Which is what prompted me to start thinking about this.) And as long as they can tolerate the dagger stares, it doesn't seem to be doing them much harm. So perhaps this really is a source of power.
Another source of power I'm not particularly good at is energy and stamina. This could mean working longer and harder than anybody else. But I have also heard stories of people who drag meetings way past office hours and only proceed to the decision making when everyone else is faint with hunger, fatigue, or in some cases inebriated. Since I would probably be one of the first to die of hunger or fall asleep, I guess this isn't really my source of power either.
Well there's another one. Focus is important too. But since I maintain that I have ADD and I can't focus on anything boring for more than 10 minutes, this isn't exactly my forte.
Darn, I'm out of sources of power. I guess there isn't much hope for me. Well I'm going to try to push people around more.
Monday, October 17, 2005
small group dynamics
Every freshman in my school had to undergo a class in small group dynamics. In this class, we all learned the Bennis and Shepard theory of the Barometric Event. This is the event that pulls a groups together and forges the group identity. We all thought it was crap. But recent events in my Discipleship Group (DG) have made me realise just how telling this model can be, as I trace our transformation from a collection of individuals into parts of a whole. I couldn't find my old textbook, but an online article has outlined the theory quite succintly. This is going to be a super-long post ... you have been warned.
A sophisticated version of the developmental approach to understanding group process is the model of Bennis and Shepard. Bennis and Shepard adapted the ideas of Bion as a result of their studies of T-groups (a method originated by Lewin). They suggest that there is a progression between the different types of basic assumption group and that, in particular, the dependency and fight-flight groups tend to occur in the first part of a group's life while the pairing and work groups occur later and these two halves are divided from one another by what they call the "barometric event" which is an occurrence in which the relationship of the group to its leader/facilitator is irreversibly changed. Inter-member relations in the early phase are characterised by considerations of power whereas in the later phase the group becomes more personal (see table 2)
Table 2: Two main Stages of Group Development (Bennis & Shepard)
What Bennis and Shepard are saying, therefore, is that the group has two main stages which each have sub-stages. In the first main stage, the group members are preoccupied by their relationship to the group leader. At first the members feel dependent. They are anxious and in flight from responsibility, so they rely upon the leader to give them direction and provide nurturance. Inevitably, the direction, if any, given by the leader does not satisfy everybody and some resistance arises. The group moves into the phase that Tuckman calls storming. This is, in Bion's terms, a fight-flight mode. Bennis and Shepard call it counter-dependency or, simply, rebellion. A struggle ensues. Eventually some resolution to this tension is achieved and this is cathartic for the group. Bennis and Shepard believed that the resolution of this first half of the group was a crucially important event and so they gave it the portentous label "barometric". Ideally, the outcome of the barometric event is that the leader becomes, to a much greater degree, a group member, and the members assume enhanced responsibility for the group's behaviour and direction. The leader is dethroned.
Stage One
In the first six months that I joined this DG, almost all the large-scale events were initiated by the two leaders. While most members were strongly committed to Wednesday studies, their attendance of other events waxed and waned depending on their outside social lives. They are anxious and in flight from responsibility, so they rely upon the leader to give them direction and provide nurturance. This is the dependency stage.
The crisis developed with the approach of our group mates' wedding. The leaders, as well as some very enthusiastic members, made the decision that the group would handle the church aspect of the wedding. Other members, whether due to unfamiliarity with the wedding couple, lack of personal talents or overburdened from other work already, were more hesitant to commit. Thus we entered the fight-flight stage. Inevitably, the direction, if any, given by the leader does not satisfy everybody and some resistance arises. Each member was then faced with the dilemna of how much to contribute to this team effort, if at all. Remember that in a church setting, all contribution is purely voluntary. (This is why John C. Maxwell calls it the the highest form of leadership.)
To my mind, our barometric event started on the eve of the wedding. Although there was no compulsion, almost the entire group gathered in the church around 11pm, to see how they could help. Surrounded by flowers, satin, and other assorted decorations, we were finally faced with the full prospect of our responsibilities. In addition to the decorations, various members also had to coordinate the music, the ushers and the cars. The situation was not helped by the absence of the leader who was in Europe. Fatigued from a week of work, but comforted by each others presence and the sense of shared purpose, various talents began to emerge as we saw sides of each other that would never have been unveiled on a typical Wednesday night. The wedding itself was very poignant, and as we listened to the bride and groom on stage, each person was filled with the sense of shared joy and accomplishment that we had made this happy occasion possible. Ideally, the outcome of the barometric event is that the leader becomes, to a much greater degree, a group member, and the members assume enhanced responsibility for the group's behaviour and direction. We also had the chance to indulge in more intimate conversations with group mates we might not have spoken to before, over several glasses of wine. (Wine always helps.) And hence we passed into the second phase of the group's life.
In the second half of the life of the group, members are preoccupied with their relationships with each other. Immediately after the barometric event, the group is likely to settle into a degree of complacency. What they have been struggling with now no longer seems like an important issue. This roughly corresponds to Tuckman's "norming" phase. Members agree with each other more readily. The group feels smooth, agreeable and unpressured. Bennis and Shepard regard this as a "flight" phase, and it may well be, in Bion's terms, a time when the group is unconsciously working on the "pairing" assumption. Relationships have become more important than work.
Stage Two
The second stage for us is a direct outcome of the barometric events. Lunch gatherings after church began to see record numbers of attendance, as did our Sunday afternoon games which even include DG-mates from other churches. We also began hanging out far more on the weekends, forsaking relationships with other cliques. In the second half of the life of the group, members are preoccupied with their relationships with each other. We are revelling in our new-found togetherness, and indulging in other group activities such as the recent DG Sharing on Oct 16. In this cruising mode, there is a risk that our new friendships may overshadow the original purpose of the DG: as a support group for Christ-centred bible study.
As this goes on, however, time pressure once again begins to be felt. Members begin to be aware that they do not have forever to do things. The original goals and purposes of the group begin to be remembered. A new phase of struggle results. This time, however, members do not assume that it is the leader's responsibility to get things done. The consequence of the barometric event is now felt as "It is up to us". This then is a phase of inter-dependence, of work, and of reaching out: the most productive phase of the group life. Finally, if all goes well, the group reaches a phase in which there is a sense of completeness and mutual affirmation for work completed and the bitter-sweet feelings of parting have to be lived through.
And Beyond
The model seems to fit so far. If so, it should imply that we are finally ready to take on a greater participatory role in the larger church body. The original goals and purposes of the group begin to be remembered. Let us not wait too long to remember this. A cohesive team performs far more effectively than a collection of individuals, and could be a vital force in driving many ministries forward. We already see some of our members undertaking roles in the upcoming BB/GB and Children's Church camps. We also see many other members organising meals, and even chalets. The consequence of the barometric event is now felt as "It is up to us". This then is a phase of inter-dependence, of work, and of reaching out: the most productive phase of the group life. And if this is the most productive phase, we should give serious thought to what we want to produce, rather than random ad hoc events.
Not all groups achieve this, however. If, through the weakness of members or the intransigence of the leader, the barometric event is not achieved, the life of the group will stagnate and members will not find the group to be an environment in which they can mature. They will remain in a dependent condition and the group will never reach what Tuckman called the performing stage.
For Leaders
I think there are some clear lessons I have had the privilege of learning from being in this DG. First and foremost, if a group is 'doing ok', it may be time to initiate a crisis to move the group forward into the next stage. It will take a brave leader to initiate a change in direction and face up to the resultant rebellion, but it is through these shared hardships that friendships are forged. If not, the group will stagnate in the comfort zone until it withers away.
The full text of the Bennis and Shepard model may be found here. Search for "Barometric Event" on the page.
A sophisticated version of the developmental approach to understanding group process is the model of Bennis and Shepard. Bennis and Shepard adapted the ideas of Bion as a result of their studies of T-groups (a method originated by Lewin). They suggest that there is a progression between the different types of basic assumption group and that, in particular, the dependency and fight-flight groups tend to occur in the first part of a group's life while the pairing and work groups occur later and these two halves are divided from one another by what they call the "barometric event" which is an occurrence in which the relationship of the group to its leader/facilitator is irreversibly changed. Inter-member relations in the early phase are characterised by considerations of power whereas in the later phase the group becomes more personal (see table 2)
Table 2: Two main Stages of Group Development (Bennis & Shepard)
| Dependency -- Fight-flight | Power relationships |
| Barometric event | |
| Pairing -- Work group | Personal relationships |
What Bennis and Shepard are saying, therefore, is that the group has two main stages which each have sub-stages. In the first main stage, the group members are preoccupied by their relationship to the group leader. At first the members feel dependent. They are anxious and in flight from responsibility, so they rely upon the leader to give them direction and provide nurturance. Inevitably, the direction, if any, given by the leader does not satisfy everybody and some resistance arises. The group moves into the phase that Tuckman calls storming. This is, in Bion's terms, a fight-flight mode. Bennis and Shepard call it counter-dependency or, simply, rebellion. A struggle ensues. Eventually some resolution to this tension is achieved and this is cathartic for the group. Bennis and Shepard believed that the resolution of this first half of the group was a crucially important event and so they gave it the portentous label "barometric". Ideally, the outcome of the barometric event is that the leader becomes, to a much greater degree, a group member, and the members assume enhanced responsibility for the group's behaviour and direction. The leader is dethroned.
Stage One
In the first six months that I joined this DG, almost all the large-scale events were initiated by the two leaders. While most members were strongly committed to Wednesday studies, their attendance of other events waxed and waned depending on their outside social lives. They are anxious and in flight from responsibility, so they rely upon the leader to give them direction and provide nurturance. This is the dependency stage.
The crisis developed with the approach of our group mates' wedding. The leaders, as well as some very enthusiastic members, made the decision that the group would handle the church aspect of the wedding. Other members, whether due to unfamiliarity with the wedding couple, lack of personal talents or overburdened from other work already, were more hesitant to commit. Thus we entered the fight-flight stage. Inevitably, the direction, if any, given by the leader does not satisfy everybody and some resistance arises. Each member was then faced with the dilemna of how much to contribute to this team effort, if at all. Remember that in a church setting, all contribution is purely voluntary. (This is why John C. Maxwell calls it the the highest form of leadership.)
To my mind, our barometric event started on the eve of the wedding. Although there was no compulsion, almost the entire group gathered in the church around 11pm, to see how they could help. Surrounded by flowers, satin, and other assorted decorations, we were finally faced with the full prospect of our responsibilities. In addition to the decorations, various members also had to coordinate the music, the ushers and the cars. The situation was not helped by the absence of the leader who was in Europe. Fatigued from a week of work, but comforted by each others presence and the sense of shared purpose, various talents began to emerge as we saw sides of each other that would never have been unveiled on a typical Wednesday night. The wedding itself was very poignant, and as we listened to the bride and groom on stage, each person was filled with the sense of shared joy and accomplishment that we had made this happy occasion possible. Ideally, the outcome of the barometric event is that the leader becomes, to a much greater degree, a group member, and the members assume enhanced responsibility for the group's behaviour and direction. We also had the chance to indulge in more intimate conversations with group mates we might not have spoken to before, over several glasses of wine. (Wine always helps.) And hence we passed into the second phase of the group's life.
In the second half of the life of the group, members are preoccupied with their relationships with each other. Immediately after the barometric event, the group is likely to settle into a degree of complacency. What they have been struggling with now no longer seems like an important issue. This roughly corresponds to Tuckman's "norming" phase. Members agree with each other more readily. The group feels smooth, agreeable and unpressured. Bennis and Shepard regard this as a "flight" phase, and it may well be, in Bion's terms, a time when the group is unconsciously working on the "pairing" assumption. Relationships have become more important than work.
Stage Two
The second stage for us is a direct outcome of the barometric events. Lunch gatherings after church began to see record numbers of attendance, as did our Sunday afternoon games which even include DG-mates from other churches. We also began hanging out far more on the weekends, forsaking relationships with other cliques. In the second half of the life of the group, members are preoccupied with their relationships with each other. We are revelling in our new-found togetherness, and indulging in other group activities such as the recent DG Sharing on Oct 16. In this cruising mode, there is a risk that our new friendships may overshadow the original purpose of the DG: as a support group for Christ-centred bible study.
As this goes on, however, time pressure once again begins to be felt. Members begin to be aware that they do not have forever to do things. The original goals and purposes of the group begin to be remembered. A new phase of struggle results. This time, however, members do not assume that it is the leader's responsibility to get things done. The consequence of the barometric event is now felt as "It is up to us". This then is a phase of inter-dependence, of work, and of reaching out: the most productive phase of the group life. Finally, if all goes well, the group reaches a phase in which there is a sense of completeness and mutual affirmation for work completed and the bitter-sweet feelings of parting have to be lived through.
And Beyond
The model seems to fit so far. If so, it should imply that we are finally ready to take on a greater participatory role in the larger church body. The original goals and purposes of the group begin to be remembered. Let us not wait too long to remember this. A cohesive team performs far more effectively than a collection of individuals, and could be a vital force in driving many ministries forward. We already see some of our members undertaking roles in the upcoming BB/GB and Children's Church camps. We also see many other members organising meals, and even chalets. The consequence of the barometric event is now felt as "It is up to us". This then is a phase of inter-dependence, of work, and of reaching out: the most productive phase of the group life. And if this is the most productive phase, we should give serious thought to what we want to produce, rather than random ad hoc events.
Not all groups achieve this, however. If, through the weakness of members or the intransigence of the leader, the barometric event is not achieved, the life of the group will stagnate and members will not find the group to be an environment in which they can mature. They will remain in a dependent condition and the group will never reach what Tuckman called the performing stage.
For Leaders
I think there are some clear lessons I have had the privilege of learning from being in this DG. First and foremost, if a group is 'doing ok', it may be time to initiate a crisis to move the group forward into the next stage. It will take a brave leader to initiate a change in direction and face up to the resultant rebellion, but it is through these shared hardships that friendships are forged. If not, the group will stagnate in the comfort zone until it withers away.
The full text of the Bennis and Shepard model may be found here. Search for "Barometric Event" on the page.
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